A Groaner

So I picked a theme and ran with it, maybe off a cliff this time. . . . .

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Once a Scotch couple named Vodka and Whiskey
Birthed girls and named them Tequila and Brandy
The kids wouldn't stop wining in the back of the sub-bourbon
So the parents just dumped them in an area less urban
It was there in the woods they encountered a beer
They didn't mix well, and ran screaming in fear
A stout lager found them, and asked them "What ales you?"
"Please tell me, dear girls, and know I won't fail you!"
Brandy screamed, "I know I can't out-rum a beer!"
Her sister, Tequila, just burst into tears.
"The hairy black beast told us his name was Porter
"He sniffed my poor sister and then tried to liquor!"
The lager shook his head, "I'm scared for my nation
"What a pitifuly timid and weak gin-eration!"